I know youre hurting and dont want to be forgotten, but dont let your destroyed self-esteem affect your rational thinking. No one wants their ex to be prying into their business after the breakup. However, I would suggest that your reach out text should be in line with the style that Chris suggests and how to get him talking to you about something that would interest him. Before I say anything else I just want to throw that out there. Some of these things could make good reasons. MORE: Why the No Contact Rule Works Every Time. For that one silly argument she wants to end it!! Towards on our 8th month, she started writing again. But if your ex is smart, your ex will work on them so that your ex doesnt encounter the same issues in the next relationship. Wondered if you could advise. i been out of the grid for 10 days so far, because even if we broke up 3 months ago, she moved to her apartment the 1th of August, I helped her to find the apartment to move, i went to the viewings with her bcs we live in Barcelona, and she does not speak spanish, I even helped her pack some things just because i wansted the best for her. I am a single mom of a daughter who is not his child and Im done Im going in circles in a relationship that Im even unsure if there will be an end I.e marriage. Often times it is doing the things that scare us most that yield the greatest results. Sure, you wont be on your exs mind as much as you would if you annoyed your ex by begging every day. How long do you recommend I do no contact before reaching out? Towards the beginning of this guide I went on this whole rant about how the no contact rule can still be working even if your ex doesnt contact you. She is likely to experience significant grief during this time of no contact. Then he unblocked me for a month, and then blocked me again for 3, unblocked me for 2 weeks, and have been blocked ever since. The point I am trying to make here is that silence is very powerful and the no contact rule uses silence to its advantage. Why the No-Contact Rule Does Not Work It's fair to say that a lot of people struggle to maintain 30 dayslet alone 60 daysof no contact with their ex. I strongly suggest you let her think what she wants while you find someone who appreciates and values you. Great stuff here. You have managed your expectations about him reaching out during NC but you are a human being after all and you cant help but wonder why he has been silent on his end for 10 days straight. I want YOU to take the first step and contact your ex boyfriend via a text message. It had never even bothered me before as I always think its the past who cares, I do think though where Ive been sitting indoors on lockdown all day these things have got to me as sitting about all day with nothing to do and I live alone so was thinking about stuff Id never usually think about. Strategies to overcome a narcissistic co-parent include . He has an avoidant attachment style and has difficulty expressing his emotions. what should I do? Youll appreciate your new partner that much more. She is going on a lot of trips, skiing every weekend, out with friends, and spending a lot of money on Distracting herself with everything she can possibly do. What Happens When You Ignore A Breadcrumber? she looks like shes doing well without me, I have been so sad the month and I just want her back and i dont know what to do anymore. 5,880 views Mar 15, 2021 So your ex unfriended you on Facebook and you are wondering why this happened. However, if you try to call and she doesn't answer, don't worry. We broke up on a Sunday and whilst I said i thought there was something to fight for he was clear wed made a choice to part ways and that was right. I mean, I already compromise a lot of things for our relationship like I refused a job offer to work in another country just to stay near for her. Find someone who respects and appreciates your needs. This exists in a variety of different forms. You Keep Updating Your Status Like. You have been in the no contact period for about 10 days but he hasnt contacted you. Your ex will think about you more because youll become mysterious and make your ex wonder what youre doing and how youre coping with the breakup. Or maybe for him is over? Then said bye. But there's one particular reason that stands out from the rest. I have no idea but my ex did the same thing, 5 months after our last talk, he blocked me. One of the most asked questions I get from coaching clients is to explain the reasoning behind a man who doesnt contact you during the no contact period. People typically talk about defriending as a way to express their hurt . They will sit around and say, Hes going to have to text ME first if he wants a date with me.. Shall I give up or can I tell him I am here? But if your relationship was good, then you might want your ex back even after youve regained your composure. You see, every day when I wake up I do one of two things. We are 1 week into the no contact contract and its killing me I often ask if he misses me, if its really over I really want to know your opinion I have read almost every article about break ups and how to get together with my ex. I feel that women often have an advantage over men because women are constantly talking to other women about their feelings. Essentially what I am going to be doing here is bridging the gap between you and your ex boyfriend. The breakup is here to teach you a lesson. In reality, it delays the time it would normally take to get on talking terms, because they associate all negativity, such as your neediness and the new anger they feel as a result of your persistence, with you. Do let me know if you disagree. In the beginning he was periodically call me and text me very little now that Im at this point he has been calling me every day as often as multiple times a day. As Ive written about multiple times in my experience, ex boyfriends have a tendency to contact you at the strangest of times. Since this guide is specifically focusing on men who havent contacted you during NC lets use that as an example. On the things that she wants to do.. coz I cant be in a relationship where only one person is doing it all. However, the no contact rule also uses something else as equally powerful as silence to its advantage, the power of ignoring. Allow her to experience what its like to be with others if thats what she truly wants. I dont mean her full attention towards me, i even asked only a little of her time. Why? The BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS SUCK IT UP AND PUSH FORWARD! No contact is the best and only option for most dumpees especially right after the break-up. Take your time when it comes to responding. Hope you get better soon. I'm guessing that maybe whoever shes dating tells her to block you. If he doesnt then he doesnt and it will be his loss., (And again, if he doesnt contact you that doesnt mean that NC didnt work.). Well, like I explained above. Your NC time period has just concluded and you are debating on whether or not you should contact him via a text message. Perhaps he just doesnt want a relationship with me. Obviously she was very upset about the whole not being contacted situation. Like people said above, We took our power back from the experience of being dumped.. and to them it probably looks like you don't care anymore and blocking you is trying to get your attention and maybe have you feel a type of way to reach out @ some point. (Hey, who doesnt love a Captain American meme?). Hey April I would say that you need to complete 30 days minimum or 45 max before reaching out, Hi, we have been together for 8 months. What we are going to be talking about in this article is going to be a little involved and will require a bit of foundation on your part (i.e. Same thing happened to me! Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Nothing special just saying he didnt mean to break my heart, it was the last thing he wanted and sending love. Do I reach out? Why You Should Make The First Move After NC. In other words, in that massive guide I actually recommend that you are the first one to make contact with your ex after the no contact period. We were living in a fairyworld. Im not sure if I should reach out as I sent the last message which didnt require a reply but he never replied to. Ive gotten to know that my ex slept with someone else already about a week after the break up. I just want to stay alive in his memories ^^. In other words, if the dumpee is out of the dumpers sight, why wouldnt the dumpee also be out of the dumpers mind? These are generally the type of men that absolutely love hearing compliments about themselves in relationships. My Ex Won't Talk To Me No Matter What I Do. It just means that with some guys you are going to have to be the one to make the first step. I often talk about the importance of making logical decisions on this website. Well, lets assume that you are embarking on a 30 day no contact rule and lets say that after 21 days your ex boyfriend hasnt gotten in touch with you. The worse life treats your ex, the more likely it is that your ex will remember you, ponder about you, contact you, and reconcile (or try to reconcile) with you. To start with a little bit of hope to cling to, rest assured that dumpers dont just forget dumpees. What we need to do is to break this undesirable association. Or, is it a facade? I have done some really shameful things when I have been ignored in the past. That reason is that your ex doesn't want to get back with you. He may discover what he actually was experiencing before when he said he was "tired of you," was just the normal up and down of relationship. Or would some variation help? I know that was an incredibly weird picture for me to paint right now but the point I am trying to make here is that your ex boyfriend knows that deep down HIS silence will hurt you and its his only way of getting back at you without actually seeming crazy. And if he doesnt feel it, then maybe he just doesnt love me like he would love another woman. One of the most interesting trends I found relating to the no contact rule is that the women that have the attitude that I outlined above always seem to do well in the big picture when it comes getting their ex boyfriends back. Maybe you have just started it or maybe you are coming close to your end date. Leave her while you are still healthy. Technically this guy is not an ex.. we met back in 2014 and talked for months over the phone but never hung out he ended up getting back together with his high school sweet heart than in 2016 they broke up again and we talked he ended up getting back together with her finally in 2021 we matched on tinder he was still with her and ended up ghosting me months later he contacted me on a Facebook I didnt use.. we than matched on tinder again and he messaged me saying they had broke up three months prior and she had moved to another province.. Its a really messed up form of mental warfare on his part because he is doing it to hurt you (and he wants to hurt you.). This is especially true when it comes to men who are extremely stubborn. Do you think I still have a chance? Answer (1 of 9): That's a good news for you bruh ! Whatever the case if your ex boyfriend hasnt contacted you yet dont freak out. Maybe it's because they want to warn their ex that they're about to disappear or maybe some people just think that you need to tell your ex that you're going to stop . While it is entirely possible that those three outcomes can occur it is also possible that all three may not occur. Heres the issue. Dont text her!!! Speaking from personal experience I can tell you that any time a girl I really like ignores me it bugs me on a deep level. Sadly, for the dumpee, no-contact is the only option, but this only option probably wont help his chances when he is out of the dumpers mind. Ok, so most men are more than happy to feel victimized if they were the one who had to initiate the breakup. I am trying so so hard to push past my urges not to message him. If you think that no contact is guaranteed to: Then I have some really bad news for you. She recently ended our 3yrs relationship. Some mistakes that will complicate things for you and make your ex want to move on more than ever before are: If you want your ex to forget about you quickly, theres no better way to go about this than to make your ex feel a lot of unwanted emotions. 4. Heres The Truth, How To Be Mentally Strong After A Breakup, How Attachment Styles Can Help You Get An Ex Back, How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend, How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back With Social Media, Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get Their Exes Back, Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back, What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Really Mean. Hey Zan, Most women get extremely depressed when an ex boyfriend doesnt message them at all during the no contact period. Well, one thing that you can automatically assume is that a guy who doesnt contact you during the no contact period always has a bit of stubbornness to him. If he's tired of being with you, then doing no contact is your way of respecting his decision. Its been 5 months and no contact. He hasnt replied since and its been 2 weeks hes really stubborn and is very protective of his pride. 8. You Win Your Power Back. I wouldnt be able to take her back on the spot, but if she would work for it really hard and show me things are different now, I might give her another chance. I wanted to impose the No Contact rule but eventually I broke it. It will make you take my words for granted and keeps your ex-obsession alive for longer. The relationship was great. He talked about maybe how things annoyed him that he hasnt spoke of but wouldnt tell me what they were. Fourth, Over Analyzing. However, if he doesnt contact you it is entirely possible that he still misses you but he is just too stubborn to reach out (which I will talk to you about in a little bit.). He broke up with me after 1.5years over 4mths ago because he lost the connection as we didn't spend enough time due to conflicting schedules. We have also discussed how it is possible that just the act of breaking up can cause a guy to paint himself as the victim. I told her I absolutely cant do that right now, and dont even know if I will ever. I want you to think about something for a moment. This is oftentimes for the best as unhealthy, abusive, and stagnant relationships need to end. Should I contact him after the no contact period?. If you don't unfriend your ex on social media, this could become an uncomfortable reality for you. We had our first and only kind of argument, she had been a little distant with me for a few days I could sense something wasnt quite right, i went to her house on the weekend we had a nice day together, her brother and mum were there and a few of her brothers friends came over, we had a bbq. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Your ex may not ever want to be with you again, but your ex definitely wont forget about you. Believe me when I say it takes a man who is incredibly stubborn to not contact you during a 30 day NC period. Its possible he got stressed because of the lockdown and struggles to cope with anxiety. These things are completely out of your control. 6. I even though I still love her, there wasnt any choice but to end it. So, there is no use getting all depressed over a strategy that is literally at its beginning. It will give you a chance to take control of your life again, get your priorities straight, and it can give you the best possible chance to mend things with your ex-girlfriend. Sometimes they focus on themselves and others and see no reason to go back to their ex. When you ignore someone with the intent of making them want to talk to you more and instead they dont talk to you at all. If he contacts me then he contacts me. You will become that bothersome ex. So, we have a guy who hasnt contacted you at all during your 30 day no contact period. It would be healthy if your ex could forget about you for a while though. Shall I give up on him or just be patient and give him the time. Your ex wanted to be independent. He or she will remember both the good and the bad times. It wants what it wants and eventually it wore my pride down and a few days later I sent that message. She even said she was sorry. Take care not to over-analyze the situation. I decided to walk away coz I felt i was being taken for granted. When everyone had gone me and her were downstairs, her brother mum and daughter had gone to sleep. Answer (1 of 6): It more than likely means that your ex wants no part of you. For now, just hit "unfollow" not "unfriend" so you're not tormented by his Facebook updates. Just make sure to work on yourself so that you dont excessively depend on your romantic partners for reassurance and self-love. Endlessly It could be that he feels annoyed by your chains of endless status update everyday. 3. This is something I have talked about numerous times throughout this site so it only makes sense that I talk about it again here. That immediately closes your exs possibility of returning back to you. Your email address will not be published. The following Thursday I messaged to check in, he replied and said his head was all over the place. The answer is quite simply yes. Yes, if he does contact you that means deep down there is a part of him that misses you. Your ex has already broken up with you and broken the trust, so your ex focusing on something or someone else wont make much of a difference. I cant get my head around the sudden change! What to do .. speak myself? We laughed a lot, had lots of fun together and didnt really argue. The idea of co-parenting with a narcissist does not exist. If you were left for someone else, NC is even that much better for you. I created this section with the purpose of detailing those reasons so I can hopefully give you more insight into what is going through a guys mind when he commits one of these reasons.. It could be entirely possible that your ex boyfriend has gone through the following progression. Unfortunately, most women dont realize that fact. In other words, his heart is having a major battle with his pride. Even if your willpower is strong, it is not uncommon to go weak at the knees upon receiving a text or phone call from your ex-partner. My boyfriend ended our 5 and a half year relationship by saying he wasnt happy. He doesnt speak until today. Ailie, I would suggest that you go a full 45 days NC and when he does come back that you explain this is the last time you are willing to make things work and if he leaves again you are happy to start moving on with your life. This victimized role he is going to place himself in is going to cause him to want revenge on you in some way shape or form. My last act of love for you Alison is to leave you be as you said you wanted to be. youll need to understand the process we teach) so if you dont have that foundation I highly recommend you check out my best selling program to get it. It doesnt matter if he blew your phone up with text messages during NC or if he completely ignored you as you were ignoring him. What about when you were a little bit older and saw something at the store that you really wanted but they were simply silent to your request? Eventually she got tired of me. On day 30 of her no contact period her ex finally broke down and sent out a message to her. Well, you probably threw a tantrum. It helped me ^^ By being mindful of your response and the way you react to their . It shows you respect yourself, and arent willing to fight for a cheater. Hello! You need to be aware of that so you dont let your ex lead you on and discard you when youve served your purpose. What I should do? I think he follows my posts but never reaches out. Girls often do that when they want to have your attention. You are always going to have to be the one to take the first step and press the action when it comes to communicating. Well, most likely you turned into a gnat that would never leave the guy alone. Your ex might have unfriended you on social media, but there could be a range of reasons why they haven't blocked you. I say things i dont mean, i curse a lot and has been paranoid. What do you think I told women to do after no contact? 5. Should I reach out to him? He was still a bit all over the place in his thoughts and said he needed to think about things. So do your best not to make things more painful for you and your ex. Some men just take longer than others to make a move. Dumpers dont think nearly as much about you, as you do about them. Does this mean that you are going to have to be the one to press the action after the NC rule is completed? Well, when it comes to making your ex miss you, and to successfully bring him back into your life, you will need to put your profiles into overdrive. He might wait for a while after the longest period has been exceeded. You dont like the way romantic rejection feels, so you want to once again feel the way you felt when you were with your ex. I promise that I am going to do everything in my power to make that a reality for you and I want YOU to hold me accountable to it. Good luck!! I have heard nothing. How do I know this? She is obviously only interested in herselfwill never be able to put your needs before hers when it really matters. The no contact rule was born from this type of thinking. Defriending after a break up is a very different move for people than removing someone's cell phone number from their phone. Thks, Hi, in a relationship for just less than I year. Appreciate the effort though if youve replied. Either way, no contact is your savior as it will stop your incessant need for love and connection and help you realize that if your ex doesnt want to be with you, someone else will. It looks like you had a horrible breakup and developed a bad mentality toward your ex. Its not that we dont care. Here is what a failing attitude looks like: I am so depressed he hasnt called me my life revolves around him blah, blah, blah.. She cheated before. Hi Mavis, you would need to do a 30 Limited no contact as you live together (I assume you still are) I would also have to assume by trying for a baby and it hasnt happened yet that maybe there was tension between you both. It makes no sense to me why she would suddenly change her mind over night. If you still have hope, you want your ex to remember you for your good qualities and behaviors. They meet someone new all the time, so they can actually forget someone they didnt care about. It became more fight then friends with us. Basically, it's just too painful for him/it bothers him/he doesn't want to see photos of you or know what you're doing/he wants to get the image of you . And you will be looking at all the pictures they upload. This may spark an interesting debate though because if an ex boyfriend is using his own silence to hurt you does it mean that he would ever consider a reconciliation? It needs two to tango right? I did not wanted really get committed too soon in a relationship and would have preferred to take my time too. I don't know why so many people feel the need to tell their ex that they plan to use No Contact. In essence, they are continually practicing their social skills. 5. Keep the Faith . I got as far as typing the text message that I wanted to send into my phone but for whatever reason my pride prevented me from hitting that send button. The true purpose is to make him feel like a part of him misses you. 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