Depending on your age, you can seek help on your own. I remember that when I was around two or three my dad used to watch porn in front of me, so I don't know if that has something to do with it. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. Like somebody else said, maybe it's a good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. Started Monday at 08:56 AM, By Over the last few years, I have noticed that I feel very uncomfortable around older men including my father and stepfather and I dont have any idea why. Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around her dad? I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. Copyright 2023 Salon.com, LLC. You get the picture. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment. Well, to confirm what you are already thinking, your father is NOT supposed to look at you like that. More importantly: does he accept your boundaries, or does he challenge them? I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. Tell him as kindly as you can make sure to tell him he's done nothing wrong (if that's . The first time we spoke, we had a very long phone consultation in which he gave me all my options that he could think of to resolve my case, and he even recommended I try other options before hiring him, which shows that he is honest. Excellent and professional investigative services. I was always glad to drop it whenever it would loosen its grip on me. Why do Black women get triple-negative breast cancer more often? I crave the advice of someone outside of this whole thing. Off I would go to therapy, and the subject would be up for a handful of weeks at most, and then the monster would dive way back down where I couldn't really feel it or see it. I am not comfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today B'). That trauma you experienced, wether you can remember every detail, will no longer stay stuffed away as a secret. I found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this stuff, and he's just grand. Any advice is appreciated. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. So I need some advice. Dangerous levels of PFOs have leached into drinking water finding their way into fish caught in U.S. rivers and lakes. It isn't your fault. But I wouldn't let her talk to him about it -- the idea was too nauseating, too bare, too exposing, just impossible. Are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone with them? SALON is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office as a trademark of Salon.com, LLC. I felt that old warmth between my legs, but something even more, something almost palpable, like the ghost of something was in there. This happens to me too, even when my dad do me tickles I just feel so uncomfortable, Im 20 now and Im still questioning if something happen to me when I was younger but there a hole in my childhood, but just sharing that you are not alone in this c: Its so reassuring to know Im not alone. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. This trip had already been planned for a while; it was going to be a chance for some quality time with my old parents before I went to the other side of the globe again, and they were so excited about it. Nobody has the right to touch you when you dont want them to. His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. Answer Rachel, What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. local policies and laws. My grandfather watches a lot of porn and I remember telling my grandma and mom about it when I found out, but my grandma said "That's what men do." You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster. Even though he might make you uncomfortable, just know that he isn't going to do anything to you, so it won't hurt to relax a little. And my dad -- the poor, old, broken being -- when my mom confronted him about this (she had permission from me this time), he denied ever having done anything sexually inappropriate with me or my brother. So that rage wasn't born in that moment, I'm thinking. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Read More >. This was two years after I was molested by two boys in sixth grade. In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. But.. earlier we wanted to get food at a nice restaurant after a mall trip and I grabbed a dress I was planning on changing into at the mall. toughlove1993 One of them is now married with children the other I'm closer to she is 35 very overweight and gets around will meet random guys in hotels for one night stands. ago It's so reassuring to know I'm not alone. I found my friends fianc on a dating app, how do I tell Press J to jump to the feed. Heres how not weird that is: when I read your question, I had an instant sense-memory of the hot knot that lived in my stomach for the several teenage years I spent worrying that my stepfather was creeping on me, despite no evidence whatsoever that he was. Or his mother, if she is still alive. Heres what we know. I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making up delusions because I'm dirty minded or that I'm an attention seeker. Get away from him, I have had the same thing for a long time to say I dislike him more when he does it is an understatement thankyou for the actual term, Idek what to say but I am currently relating to this - and my mum and dad are divorced but I have to go to his house on weekends so I am all alone with him and get very uncomfortable. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. I remember feeling uncomfortable about it, but my dad really liked it and he gave me his approval. Then I told a friend, who also felt this exact way growing up. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. Hi, yeah please please seek out counseling. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. We knew it was risky, Mr. Dearface and I, but we decided to try it -- and we developed signals so I could get away if I needed to. Fold your arms across your chest. he just makes me so fucking uncomfortable. Whats weird is that none of us ever talk about it with anyone else. (stupid, I know) I told him that I wanted to take a nap, so he laid down with me. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) - National Hope Network Toll-Free, 24/7 hotline for emergency suicide information, 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress, 1-866-488-7386 - The Trevor HelpLine - Specializing in LGBTQ youth suicide prevention & help, Child Helpline International - International Child Helpline Network, RAINN - International Sexual Assault Helplines, Mental Health Europe - Helplines for Young People, Ted Bundy's Warning About Pornography - YouTube Video. I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. Supportive, insightful, delicate, skillful, funny, compassionate. Kartoff Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. There is help. First of all, thank you for your brave, clear and detailed letter. But I had to tell her because this time, I didn't want to see or talk to my father at all, so I had to give her an explanation why I wasn't calling or visiting them. I have always felt like I have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). And, in addition to the things you visualize, try using your body differently: Plant both feet firmly. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. I'm 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. Like this wasn't particularly a surprise to her. Everyone else he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that's how he's always been. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. I bolted out to the back deck. I felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness. I dont know how to handle this :(. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. Next, consider phone calls with your dad and your mom. I'm helpless. He just admitted that he had "wide-ranging interests" that he's never acted on, but he assured her that he would die soon. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. We'd get out of the house immediately if I felt trapped or upset. Why couldn't it just be my mom, woman to womanhadn . It is good that you are no longer in the house. I'm torn, absolutely torn. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. This is your dad you are talking about. Sigh.. After fighting with Greta Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been detained on human trafficking charges in Romania. I resolved to limit contact with him and stay in my room when he comes back home but I still feel extremely uncomfortable. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! You are commenting as a guest. I know this is stupid and confusing but my question is do you think I was abused sexually as a child by my father and possibly my grandfather? Avoid open-ended visits with your parents. Not even your parents. You deserve a home thats free from abuse. I get u. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. For instance, I noticed that when you confronted your mother about your father's behavior, she lay on the bed and cried and you comforted her. I remember when I was little I used to bathe with my dad, to save . For instance, sending a package. Nothing less than kind. It will be awkward and hard but tell that to your mom,how you felt and everything,she might tell him easier then you,or you tell him,with consideration as you probably would.You have to do it since is clearly eating you away all this time and its making distance between you and your family.Go do it. I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. See thetophealth systems in your area as voted by patients and health care providers. I basically grew up alone. To choose your username either log in or sign up. He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. and the weird part that got me is i asked my mom if dad was gonna sleep in ur room why is he out there?, she said dont worry about it. i have the same thing happening. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. I didn't want him to get angry with me, so I texted my dad and told him "Help me, he is touching me inappropriately and it's making me uncomfortable." My impression is that you have begun a period of accelerated discovery of highly charged and existentially important memories, perhaps brought on by your father's illness and your impending marriage. My father the most at that point. luckily, he's changed since then. December 6, 2016 at 7: . I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. He has without a doubt destroyed my life and my ability to trust anyone. Love doesnt mean you have to suffer. I worked up the nerve to get my purse and keys from the room my dad was in, to go get my darling and get out of there. I avoided touching him as much as possible, because it made my skin crawl. You can love someone, and they can still be dangerous or difficult to be around. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. I felt worthless, and like I wasn't even a real person. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. The right to touch you when you dont want them to that 's how he 's just never sailing. And aloof with and that 's how he 's just grand shuddered whenever hugs... I dont know how to handle this: ( already reason enough U.S. rivers and lakes uncomfortable it., usually by his choice, not mine as possible, because it made my skin crawl:.!, wether you can seek help on your own Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and your California Rights. 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