No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. It gives your partner the benefit of the doubt, allowing, in the best of circumstances, for them to repair the situation with a simple, "I'm sorry. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. As youve learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. 4. Why? For example, is there a more significant issue youre not seeing? Being able to offer empathy and respect to those around you will also go a long way to avoiding the trap of reciprocal defensiveness. Are you unsure whether you have been engaging in defensive behavior? She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981, specializing in couples and communication. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. Rather than approach situations in a combative stance, view yourself and the other person as taking an investigative approach. Yet withdrawal and disconnection are what continue to create trouble. Feeling caught off guard or surprised by someone can make it more likely that you will react defensively. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. We view their actions, intentions, and language through the lens of our positive vision. Find something that you can agree on before trying to problem solve so that you start on common ground. By growing your emotional intelligence and practicing effective communication and conflict resolution techniques, you may defuse a problematic situation with another and grow the relationships strength in the end. But in the long term, it undermines us and our relationships. Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. Fourteen words that helped define the year. The best thing that you can do is to make a list of the situations that are more likely to cause you to become defensive. She is the author of the highly acclaimed book Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love, which has been translated into four languages, and she regularly teaches relationship courses based on the Love Cycles method at wellness spa Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico. Hussein AFF, et al. Oklahoma State defensive coordinator Derek Mason will not return to the program in 2023 after a one-year stint with the Cowboys, he announced Thursday. Since you cant always avoid conflict, it may be beneficial to consider these tips and tricks for communicating effectively, especially with someone defensive. There are a number of strategies and coping techniques that you can employ to help you feel less defensive, which will result in you behaving in a less defensive way. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, defensivo, defensivo/-va [masculine-feminine], protetor-ra [masculine-feminine], savunmaya ynelik, savunma amal, savunma iin kullanlan, sur la dfensive, dfensif/-ive, en dfense, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. If there are specific issues or areas of your life about which you are more likely to become defensive, then it may be helpful to do things that make you feel more confident or boost your self esteem. Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. 3. An old-fashioned rule we can no longer put up with. Try to remain uncompetitive when approaching someone on the defense. We may ache for them to "return" and reconnect, yet our behavior is the last thing that would invite them back. Defensiveness is a learned behavior, meaning that it can also be unlearned. (2013). Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft Just let the adrenaline surge crest and gather your thoughts. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. To save this word, you'll need to log in. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. Not good by any measure, but not so bad that they were truly the bottom of the barrel. In fact, there are a number of different styles of being defensive. See if any of the following types of defensiveness resonate with you: If you have a problem with becoming defensive, then you know that it can have a negative impact on your life. At the heart of our vulnerability lies the feeling that we've been hurt by someone we love. But we actually defend ourselves against holes in our self-esteem in lots of ways: we might trash-talk our haters, compare ourselves to people who have it worse, or go to great lengths to treat ourselves with retail therapy to soothe our wounded souls. Among the black kids who were only given the constructive criticism, the slow decline of trust in school continued over time, but in the group told by teachers they could reach high standards, that declining trust stopped in its tracks. Defensive. Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/defensive. Theyre all pros at getting defensive. Consider only responding in a competitive or forceful way when there is an emergency, such as when someone is in danger or when there are serious safety concerns. The researchers tracked white and African-American seventh graders who received critical feedback from their white teachers on a draft of an essay. Subscribe Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. The researchers found that those who had been primed to think intelligence was fixed made themselves feel better by comparing their performance to those who did worse than thema defensive reaction: Well, at least I did better than those morons.. Moments of defensive behavior can happen with a partner, a child, your mother, or even a co-workerall relationships will inevitably suffer at some points from a breakdown in communication. Should I Respond to Negative Comments on Social Media? PTSD Among Ukrainian Civilians in the Russia-Ukraine War, Wolves With a Parasite Become More Daring, Study Shows. If you are focused on solving a problem, rather than arguing with or attacking the other person, this will help to defuse any tension and focus on solutions. How many can you get right? In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. A good way to be more aware of your reactions is to journal about them or keep a written log. This could be particularly helpful if you are experiencing defensiveness in your relationship. And when we humans are faced with criticism, we also ready the drawbridge, project a ball of spines, or prepare for the tackle. How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship, Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead), How to Be More Self-Aware and Why Its Important, misrepresenting or forgetting what occurred, settlement of the conflict is more important than the disagreement. Learn communication skills to. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight Anxiety in and of itself is not a bad thing. If your partner is giving you criticism that is making you feel defensive, can you express why? Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. What. Did you present a defensive reaction yourself, sparking anger in the other? So, for example, if youre feeling defensive after a not-so-stellar work review, forget about frantically rehashing all your past workplace triumphs. Learn more about defensive behavior, and get advice on how to approach and resolve conflict with a defensive person. Used or intended to avert or thwart danger or disaster, In its 1988 report, it announced a restrictive policy regarding legal, Sensitive to, or very anxious to challenge or avoid, criticism, Host Alan Kohler quite nicely brought out this, Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions, He wanted her to answer without him trying to fill in the uncomfortable silence between them with, Of, pertaining to, or exhibiting opposition, A (heightened) state of being ready to defend oneself, Find a way to encourage dialogue rather than putting him on the, Defensive or repulsive, particularly as applied to glands of certain invertebrates. Continuing to rehash problems for the sake of arguing is not effective communication. Opposite. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. And we're rewarded because each thing they say and do activates the connection center of our brain. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Copyright 2023 Vocabulary.com, Inc., a division of IXL Learning 4. 1. Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. There are lots of ways we do this: we distance ourselves from our mistakes, blame outside forces for failure, and judge others in order to continue seeing ourselves in a positive light. You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics: Improve your vocabulary with English Vocabulary in Use from Cambridge.Learn the words you need to communicate with confidence. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. Take a step back, adopt a growth mindset and take critical feedback as a chance to get better and better. Intended to withstand or deter aggression or attack: a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. Send us feedback. People who are more prone to defensiveness may perceive an attack in certain situations in which people with resilient and calm temperaments would perceive none. If you arent sure about this, use your journal to write out a list of things that you could do in the moment instead of acting out on your defensive feelings. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant This not only makes you seem more affable and humble, but it removes the defenses of the other person who feels like they are being attacked for their own problems. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Your instinct tells you that your conversation has turned to where the person appears threatened for a reason, whether readily apparent or not. Conflicting, positive or strongly held? We automatically assume that conflict will collapse a relationship. When we asked her about the mistakes, she became, their unexpectedly harsh words put him on the, Indianapolis has requested an interview with Broncos, Speculation has swirled around Arizona potentially elevating, Earlier in Smarts tenure at his alma mater, Georgia fans worried about whether the former, Chances are the Bulldog QB will eventually become familiarized with, Reporters spoke to Longo and Mike Tressel, UWs, And Philip Davis, prime minister of the Bahamas, has had to come out on the, Without consistent political support from both parties, the I.R.S. Below are some of the negative impacts that acting defensively can have on your life: Are you wondering how to be less defensive? Instead of feeling worse about having these feelings, try not to compound the problem. I statements focus the conversation on you and what you feel, and will help you make your point without getting defensive. In the first stage of love, when we're infatuated by the freshness and excitement of new romance, we anticipate the best in our new partner. Even if you dont hear the words I believe in you or I know you are capable, if you know in your heart that your mom, your boss, or your partner is only offering feedback so you can achieve great things, remind yourself of their faith in you and the criticism will go down easier. But if you find that either you or your partner is always on guard, waiting on the front lines to pounce into a defensive mode of communicating, it can be deeply harmful to the relationship. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. These methods might make us feel better, but they channel our energy into defensiveness rather than moving forward. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. 1 of 2. The first step to stopping your defensive reactions is to become aware of when it happens and what your feelings are in the moment. She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981. Of or relating to defense. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior Remember, when it comes time to protest, be sure your complaint is stated considerately enough not to punish or shame your loved one. Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. Most often this surfaces in more toxic forms: by teasing or making snide comments, holding grudges, or by growing more indifferent to our partner over time. defensive To get better at communication, try practicing first in low-stakes situations or imagining how you would like to communicate before a situation takes place. Below are some ideas of actions that you could take that would prevent you from acting defensively in the future: Do you have a good idea of when you are most likely to become defensive? Some of us avoid. Then all the participants were given just four minutes to read a long and confusing passage from Freuds classic The Interpretation of Dreams, which, with its late 1800s language and esoteric ideas, was about as easy to get through as a line at the DMV on your lunch hour. In that case, its important to recognize the benefit of approaching situations as problems to be solved rather than arguments to be had. However, if they are not in line with the person you want to be or the behavior that you want to display, then there is nothing wrong with working on changing how you react. Understand that overly defensive behavior might be what is holding you back from a better version of yourself. , , : () ( , Dictionary, Encyclopedia and Thesaurus - The Free Dictionary, the webmaster's page for free fun content, Defense Reutilization and Marketing Service, Defensive Area of Operational Responsibility. Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. . If this is true, it is not only necessary to have walls, but care must be taken that they may be a proper ornament to the city, as well as a defence in time of war; not only according to the old methods, but the modern improvements also: for as those who make offensive war endeavour by every way possible to gain advantages over their adversaries, so should those who are upon the, Travelling hard all night, we found ourselves next morning past the plain; but the road we were in was not more commodious, the points of the rocks pierced our feet; to increase our perplexities we were alarmed with the approach of an armed troop, which our fear immediately suggested to be the Galles, who chiefly beset these passes of the mountains; we put ourselves on the, From these considerations it appears that those gentlemen are greatly mistaken who suppose that alliances offensive and, But though thus unoffending in their policy, they are called upon continually to wage, On returning to France, to the bosom of the great, strong, magnificent, peaceful, and glorious fatherland, I should have proclaimed her frontiers immutable; all future wars purely, "Aye, Master Marner, what do you want wi' me?" Choose to Align Yourself with Your Values, Anticipate When You Are Likely to Become Defensive, How to Stop Making Other People Defensive, Overcoming Defensive Behavior in the Long-Term. For example, if you want your spouse to help around the house, you would not make the statement, You never do anything to clean up around here. Instead, you would make a specific request: Could you please help me by taking out the garbage on Tuesday? or Could you help me by vacuuming the carpets on Saturday?, In one case, it sounds like you just want to complain. Or, on the flip side, how do they know if theyre being pandered to by adults who want to prove theyre not racist? Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. Of course, its not realistic to expect to always respond to every type of criticism in this way. Research In addition, its generally a good idea to remain open-minded to the ideas and perspectives of others. The reasons for defensiveness are myriad and important to understand, but they don't take away the need to learn how to rewire ourselves away from the impulse to immediately self-protect. What do you call a defensive person? There are steps you can take when faced with a conflict: Conflict can be healthy, but it may be challenging when the other person becomes defensive. Weba. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. When you feel as though you are becoming defensive, how would the best version of yourself handle the situation? cautious. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. distrustful. You can do this is one of two ways. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. Friction can be necessary, and even healthy at times. Promoting well-being: The contribution of emotional intelligence. Collaboration can allow the two of you to work together to find a solution where you can meet both of your needs, without compromising them. 1. Here's how you can improve it. How can I manage that split second when its just so tempting to follow my instincts and defend myself? distrustful. Learning to hear our partners complaints with curiosity and openness not only deepens the connection between us but helps us be more open in all of our relationships. Delivered to your inbox! Citizens are becoming defensive and distrustful of their civic leaders as they lose all trust in their ability to represent them honestly and with any sense of integrity..
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